Six years ago
1/23/18 – brain surgery
1/23/24 – sent kids off to school, going grocery shopping this morning, and I get to play volleyball tonight.
Today looks very different from six years ago. 🩶
Tag: anniversary
21st Anniversary 10/18/23
Dear Jacob,
21 years
We’ve definitely had our ups and downs, but I can’t imagine going through them with anyone but you.
I love you. Thank you for being the strong, supportive, encouraging man I’m grateful to call my husband. ❤️
5 Year ANniversary
Today is the five year ANniversary (AN=acoustic neuroma) of my craniotomy/tumor eviction. Five years and there are still times when I experience moments of “did I really go through all of that?”
Five years post-op feels different. Life has obviously gone on, I am living my “new normal,” and yet in the last few weeks I have had emotions hit me that I thought I had already processed. It’s been a bit unsettling. However, instead of burying my feelings, I’ve been peeling back layers and riding the emotional waves as best I can. Thank you, therapy.
I know this anniversary is one that my husband is experiencing as well, just from a different perspective. He waited for hours in the hospital as the surgeons worked to remove the tumor from one of my cranial nerves. One surgery, two different experiences. I spent last night re-reading the blog posts that Jake wrote on the day of my surgery and the first few weeks of my recovery. They are a reminder to me of how he will do whatever he needs to do for his family and how he can always find a positive perspective – something that was a huge encouragement to me during the first year of my recovery.
I am not the same person I was when I was wheeled into the operating room 5 years ago. Physically, mentally, emotionally, I am different. I know people change over time, but the difference I feel is not something I can necessarily explain. Rather, I can feel the difference inside me – some of it is good and some I continue to work on refining. Again, thank you, therapy.
How do you honor the anniversary of a day that was not joy-filled? For me, it varies year to year. This year, Jake and I went to lunch at a local Vietnamese restaurant. The phở was delicious and the conversation was good for my heart. I process things by talking, and Jake is a very good listener.
This evening was filled with shuttling kids around and attending a school board meeting. (Because the world doesn’t stop for brain tumor surgery anniversaries.) I did make time earlier in the day to bake a chocolate vinegar cake (GF just for me). I know I’ve written about it before. It’s one frequently enjoyed by Jake’s extended family and one of my favorite desserts. I made it for this ANniversary back in 2019 and felt it was fitting to make it again this year. So maybe that’s the best way to remember the day – with cake.
Stay tuned…5 year post-op MRI is on Thursday. I’m praying for clear scans.
Cheers to 20 years!
Twenty years ago seems like yesterday and forever ago at the same time.
We’ve loved through the joyful times as well as the gut-wrenching, sorrowful ones.
Thank you for being my partner through it all.
19 years
I would say “I do,” again in a heartbeat. Married life has definitely been full of joys, sorrows, and plenty of unexpected events, but I can’t imagine navigating it all without this guy by my side.
Happy Anniversary to my grill master!
Solo Heartbeat Anniversary
1 year ago we were told Astrid’s heart was no longer beating.
I will never forget searching the screen for a blip during the ultrasound but only seeing flat lines. I still can’t believe I had to hear those words alone, while wearing a mask, and then call Jake (who was waiting in the car outside) to tell him the news.
Today is the first of the last painful 1-year anniversaries of the past year. The trio of them (13, 16, 21) is something I have been avoiding thinking too much about. I went to mass by myself this morning. It’s the Feast of the Ascension. I needed a reminder that my baby is with Jesus.
Friends (one known and one unknown) gave us flowers today. (And a gift card to DQ that we will use on Astrid’s birthday when we visit her grave.) Shecklet #4 also picked out mini roses to leave by her marker when we visit.
3 year ANniversary
Three years ago I laid down on an operating table and put complete trust in my surgical team to remove the tumor pushing on my brain.
Today, I celebrated my 3rd ANniversary (AN=acoustic neuroma) on the slopes with my family, snowboarding for the first time post-op. (And first time in 11 years!)
Post-op life continues to be a blessing – in spite of many challenges that have taken place. (Not just surgery side-effects.) As a simple reminder note to myself: some of the things I still deal with are the same as what I faced immediately after surgery – SSD, sense of taste gone on half of my tongue, and my right eye doesn’t close as much as my left when I smile. Fatigue is still present and I take naps several days a week. I think a lot of it has to do with my brain filtering noise – tinnitus as well as household noise. I’m grateful to have a family that continues to understand that resting is something I simply need in order to have the energy to make it through the day.
A few individuals remembered this ANniversary and reached out to me this year. I’m grateful that they have done so. 01/23/2018 was a life-changing day for me and the support my family received leading up to it and after it will never be forgotten.
18 years
Today is our golden anniversary.
Married for 18 years on October 18, 2020.
So much has happened during our 18 years together that I can’t adequately put in to words my thoughts about today. I think I need to save that for another day.
6/16/2020 – one month
I find myself making note of “anniversaries” every week. Things like “I should be X number of weeks pregnant now,” or “it’s been X weeks since we were told there was no heartbeat,” or X weeks since I delivered Astrid,” or “we buried our daughter X weeks ago.”
Today marks 1 month since we went to the hospital to start my induction and subsequent delivery of Astrid. I still catch myself wondering if this has all been a dream. I scroll through the photos we took in the hospital (and while wishing we had taken more) am grateful for the ones we did take.
I miss our baby girl so much.
Her older sister, Shecklet #4, asked to see pictures of her little sister last night. (I had been waiting for her to ask rather than ask if she wanted to see them.) She asked a few questions about her skin color, but other than that, just commented about how small her fingers were and how cute her feet were. She would have been so good at loving her little sister here on earth.
Two years of growth
When I had my craniotomy two years ago, a portion of my head needed to be shaved clean. Thankfully, my surgical team was very experienced and knew to leave a small section of hair in front of my ear. When my hair was down, you couldn’t even tell it had been shaved. That shaved area has been growing back ever since. At first it was fuzzy, then it was curly, and now it’s a unique texture and wave that I can’t straighten no matter how hard I try.
Very few people have seen what I looked like after surgery. This was taken shortly after the medical resident removed the tightly wound bandage that I wore for just shy of 48 hours:
To say I’ve neglected my tresses the past two years would be an understatement. Most of the time (now that it’s all long enough) it’s pulled back into a ponytail of sorts. I decided to go in for a healthy trim a few days ago and now you can hardly tell the difference between the “new” section and the old. Hooray for two years of growth!