Nissedalen – Day 2 – 2020
Another gorgeous day filled with skiing, tubing, fishing, kayaking, floating in the water, grilling for dinner and relaxing by the lake. (And a quick trip to town to visit the Chocolate Ox.)
The moon was beautiful tonight.
Tag: family
Nissedalen – Day 1 – 2020
This was my view today.
I know I’ve taken similar pictures in the past, but I love this view so much. It is such a relaxing place to be, especially after the last six months. I’m grateful Jake’s grandma is willing to give us the opportunity to vacation here. This summer we were able to bring friends with us. The kids are having so much fun. And it’s only day 1!
Here’s my evening view.
Father’s Day 2020
I put together a collage of pictures with Jake holding the Shecklets as newborns.
Bittersweet day. It’s hard to not feel Astrid’s absence.
5/21/20 – Funeral Mass & Burial
Today we buried our daughter. Her place of rest is near the babies of several of our good friends. When Jake suggested we choose St. John’s Cemetery for Astrid, I immediately said yes. I can’t think of anywhere else I would want her to be than near the other little saints we know.
Her funeral mass was beautiful. Due to COVID-19 restrictions, the six of us were only allowed to be present for her funeral. (We had hoped the mass could be recorded so we could share it with a few people, but it turns out the recording didn’t work. I was extremely disappointed.) While it was sad to not have others who are also grieving our little girl’s death there to celebrate her short life with us, it was ok. I didn’t feel anxious about needing to comfort others or relive the events of the last week over and over.
Astrid’s brothers and biggest sister read the readings and intentions during mass. They did a great job honoring their little sister. Fr. Jim gave a lovely homily and even incorporated the heart sign that I put over my belly on Mother’s Day.
Jacob carried her casket (made by Trappist Monks in Iowa) out of the church and then from the hearse to the grave site. We are so grateful for the beautiful ministry of the monks who made her casket (and our parish for having it available for us.)
At the grave site, Fr. Jim prayed with us (and a few friends and family who were able to join us.) I’m grateful for the love and support we felt in the cemetery. Five of the six of us took a turn shoveling dirt on top of the vault and then each of Astrid’s siblings placed a pink rose on top. I really hope that being part of her burial is an act of love that they will always be able to look back on.
5/20/20 – The night before
I was reflecting today that a week ago was the beginning of the end of my pregnancy with Astrid. No heartbeat. Information about induction. Fast forward a week and it’s the eve of Astrid’s funeral. Writing that is so hard. Grief has hit me in more waves today. I get choked up at the littlest thoughts of her and how, as my friend Sara put it, we “had to fit a lifetime of loving into just a few short moments.”
This isn’t how it is supposed to be.
5/18/20 Funeral Planning
Funeral planning.
Those are two words I never dreamed I would be writing about my child. How do you go from telling your husband you’re pregnant to selecting bible readings and music for your baby’s funeral mass?
This isn’t what we want to be planning. We want to be picking out a car seat, choosing a crib, stocking up on diapers.
As I told one of my aunts tonight, emotionally, this is the hardest thing I have ever done. I feel like right now we are just getting things done/prepared for Thursday’s funeral mass & burial and then after that, the larger waves of grief will hit. Then there are the milestones that we won’t actually be celebrating with her on earth – her due date, first holidays, first birthday, etc.
And yet, I know that she is in heaven and she isn’t hurting. She is with Great Grandma Fran, Great Auntie Helen, Great Grandma Veronica, Sammy, her Papa Dale, our goddaughters Gianna and Faith, and so many other loved ones. The kids know their sister is a little saint, we can ask her to pray for us, and we have the hope of seeing her again one day. I’m so grateful for our faith.
I hope I can look back on the readings we chose for her funeral mass and find comfort when I’m struggling. She is a child of God. She belongs to Him. We were given a short time with her, but as it says in Philippians 3:20,21 “..our citizenship is in heaven.” She is where we all should long to be one day.
Easter 2020
Mass together at home – joining our parish family virtually.
Brunch – egg bake, fruit smoothies and orange rolls.
Movie afternoon – Aunt Larissa joined us.
Jake grilled for dinner. Steaks and hotdogs because of course, it’s snowing!
4/4/20 – A new Shecklet
Back in December, we found out that we are expecting another Shecklet – due late August. Physically, this pregnancy has been rough. I’m tired, battling nausea and pregnancy sickness, and my patience is not what I would like for it to be. I wish I could turn a corner and start to feel better.
At my 10 week appointment, I had a dating ultrasound and it showed something of concern. Baby’s nuchal translucency was thicker than they expected to see at this time.
I had follow-up appointment (Jake was able to accompany me) with a perinatologist at 13 weeks along that showed that our baby has a cystic hygroma that grew substantially since my 10 week appointment. The doctor said the baby’s lymphatic system isn’t draining fluid like it should, so it’s building up around the back of the head and down the back. The most likely causes are a chromosome abnormality or heart defect. We did not opt to have any further testing to determine the cause at this time, largely because there isn’t anything that can be done medically. Also, for me, having more information right now would likely just lead to increased anxiety.
The prognosis we were given is not good. I was told I could see my midwife weekly for heartbeat checks and if the baby is still fighting at 20 weeks, I would then have a Level II ultrasound and fetal echo. We would also revisit prognosis and potential blood tests for further information.
We told the kids about their new sibling (and how the baby is sick) when I reached about 16 weeks along. Jake also shared with his family and we have gradually been telling our friends. I am praying that this baby would be physically healed of all issues – if that is God’s will for him/her. I am also really trying hard to just be present in the moment and be thankful for each day we are given with this new life.
I will be 20 weeks along this weekend. I don’t want to say I wasn’t expecting to make it this far, but from what the doctor told me back at week 13, it does seem a bit surprising. I continue to treasure each day we have with this baby and am grateful for the opportunity to feel him/her move. It’s heart has been beating strong at every weekly check. Now we wait to see what the ultrasound and echo tell us on 4/10. I know that making it to 20 weeks is not some magical milestone. I know that God’s plan for this baby may not be for us to bring him/her home to live with us. But I do know that His plan is good, this child exists(!) He loves this child, and we have been given the opportunity to love them too.
Thanksgiving in March
My favorite meal with my favorite people ❤️ Jake is always willing (and ready) to grill for us, but Thanksgiving food sounded so good!
Virtual Mass
We are so grateful for our pastor, Fr. Jim, and the staff at our parish who have made it possible for us to participate in mass virtually while in-person masses have been suspended.
