1 year ago we were told Astrid’s heart was no longer beating.
I will never forget searching the screen for a blip during the ultrasound but only seeing flat lines. I still can’t believe I had to hear those words alone, while wearing a mask, and then call Jake (who was waiting in the car outside) to tell him the news.
Today is the first of the last painful 1-year anniversaries of the past year. The trio of them (13, 16, 21) is something I have been avoiding thinking too much about. I went to mass by myself this morning. It’s the Feast of the Ascension. I needed a reminder that my baby is with Jesus.
Friends (one known and one unknown) gave us flowers today. (And a gift card to DQ that we will use on Astrid’s birthday when we visit her grave.) Shecklet #4 also picked out mini roses to leave by her marker when we visit.
I took the roses I dried from Papa Dale’s and Astrid’s funerals and put them together in a shadow box. Not only will they no longer collect dust, but I don’t have to worry about them crumbling every time they get bumped.
There is a group of three mini roses in the corner that makes me think of my three girls 🌹🌹🌹
I took the kids on a rose hunt in a local suburb. We tracked down over half of the 20 statues scattered throughout the city. It was fun to see the different ways that the artists used paint and other mediums to decorate the 3D canvases.
I don’t have many photos of just me with the Shecklets individually, so I made sure to capture them today.
We have been given numerous flower arrangements, orchid plants, and stuffed animals, in addition to meals, prayers, and thoughtful gifts from friends who have walked a similar path as we are currently walking. These things have been visual, tangible ways we have felt loved and supported during this surreal time in our lives.
Our girls prayed with friends, a family from our church lit a candle for us in their home chapel while keeping us in prayer, and another family dropped off snacks, items to bring to the hospital, stuffed animals for the girls and yo-yo’s for the boys after hearing Astrid no longer had a heartbeat.
Aunts, uncles & friends have sent these:
My SD family sent us these:
Jake’s brother & SIL sent us this stuffed swan and a matching print that I hung in the girls’ room. (I love that their purchase of the swan and the print equals 15 meals for children in need.) The Psalm reference in the note is Psalm 91:4. “He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings.”
This print with a quote from St. Zélie Martin is one I absolutely love was given to me by two different people. It sits on the dresser in our bedroom.
Shecklet #4 drew this for me – it’s Astrid in my belly when I was pregnant. I’ve said this before – she was so excited to have a baby sibling come live with us. I wish I could have given her that gift.
A friend of mine gave me this – left on our front porch – after Astrid died. It now sits on my kitchen windowsill next to the “Hope” cross that another friend gave me after our miscarriage back in August 2009. The note in the small box below reads: “A mother’s love is not defined by the number of children she can see, but by the love she holds in her heart.” Franchesca Cox
My SILs, Kari & Stacie, sent this sweet gift in remembrance:
