Six years ago
1/23/18 – brain surgery
1/23/24 – sent kids off to school, going grocery shopping this morning, and I get to play volleyball tonight.
Today looks very different from six years ago. š©¶
Tag: Veronica
A good run
All good things must come to an end.
The Shecks had a good 17.5 year run.
A kid got left at church after Family Formation tonight.
Text from child left behind: Where are you?
Parent #1 replies : In the kitchen.
Kid goes to kitchen at church and replies: I don’t see you.
Meanwhile, Parent #2 realizes what is going on and says to Parent #1,
“How did you and #4 not realize #1 wasn’t with you when you left the church?”
21st Anniversary 10/18/23
Dear Jacob,
21 years
Weāve definitely had our ups and downs, but I canāt imagine going through them with anyone but you.
I love you. Thank you for being the strong, supportive, encouraging man Iām grateful to call my husband. ā¤ļø
Three – 2023 š©·
We really havenāt had what anyone in MN would call āSpringā this year. In spite of that, my memories of the final weeks we had with Astrid have been running through my mind.
Last month I attended the funeral for a young woman I never met but had recently met her parents. In the eulogies prior to the funeral service, her youngest brother spoke about how during a period of time when the young woman was not around for family gatherings, he would do a head count, feel her missing presence, and recognize his family was ānot complete.ā These two words struck me at my heart – I feel them two ways. One, as the missing person and two, as the person missing someone else.
When you lose a child who no one ever had the chance to meet āin real life,ā it makes for interesting introductions. When someone asks how many kids I have, I almost always say 4. Itās not that Iām ashamed or embarrassed that I have two others (one miscarried and one stillborn,) rather, those are sacred parts of my life that I reserve for people who have earned the right to know. But as I answer the question about kids, I feel the words ānot completeā in my chest. Itās a heaviness that I doubt will ever go away.
Motherās Day 2023
5/14/23
Today is sandwiched between a day I remember as a painfully low day and one that brought immense joy. Three years ago on 5/13/20, we found out that Astrid had died. Tomorrow is her older brotherās birthday. And though it will get its own post, I will briefly mention that Astridās birth day is the next day, 5/16.
Next year it looks like I will be spared the aligning of her non-heartbeat day with Motherās Day. Iām grateful for that. As the parent of a child who died before they āshouldā have, these Hallmark holidays can be especially difficult. Itās a fine line to walk being excited to have kids around and yet recognizing things are not complete. Someone is missing. (Two someones, actually.) And while I do want to be upbeat and cheery for my four Shecklets, my melancholic self tends to notice who is missing. And that makes me sad.
I canāt believe it has been three years since we lost Astrid. The times I imagine her as the age she āshouldā be are fewer than in the past, but I do tend to picture her as an almost three year old around this time of year. I see my four kids getting older, growing in independence, and I enjoy each one of the so much. And yet, when I stop and look, I realize my picture is not complete. Someone is missing.
NDSU visit
Trying to learn from my mistakes growing up, I want my kids to visit different colleges to help figure out what the best fit is for them.
Jakeās youngest cousin and her fiancĆ© were open to Lincoln and me visiting them at NDSU this weekend. (Unfortunately, Jake wasnāt feeling well, so he didnāt make the trip.)
S&J gave us a personal tour, we saw the engineering buildings, the union, the health complex, one of the dining halls, and the main dorms for freshmen and sophomores. The first hand knowledge they were willing to share about their experiences was fantastic. Mom and Dad can tell their kids about how things were 20 years ago when they were in school, but to have someone closer in age share has a different impact.
After our tour, we went back to Sās apartment and chatted before heading downtown for dinner at Pounds and dessert at T and Crepe. Both were delicious!
We ended our Fargo tour with a stop at Scheels and a drive by the mall and shopping of West Fargo.
New snowboard š
February 2023
I have never owned my own brand new snowboard. Until now. Gave the new equipment a go after demo-ing a Solomon board a few weeks ago. I went with a basic K2 one and really like it!
Unfortunately, my second time out on it, I took a hard fall to my lower back and was done for the season. š Until next year!
5 Year ANniversary
Today is the five year ANniversary (AN=acoustic neuroma) of my craniotomy/tumor eviction. Five years and there are still times when I experience moments of “did I really go through all of that?”
Five years post-op feels different. Life has obviously gone on, I am living my “new normal,” and yet in the last few weeks I have had emotions hit me that I thought I had already processed. It’s been a bit unsettling. However, instead of burying my feelings, I’ve been peeling back layers and riding the emotional waves as best I can. Thank you, therapy.
I know this anniversary is one that my husband is experiencing as well, just from a different perspective. He waited for hours in the hospital as the surgeons worked to remove the tumor from one of my cranial nerves. One surgery, two different experiences. I spent last night re-reading the blog posts that Jake wrote on the day of my surgery and the first few weeks of my recovery. They are a reminder to me of how he will do whatever he needs to do for his family and how he can always find a positive perspective – something that was a huge encouragement to me during the first year of my recovery.
I am not the same person I was when I was wheeled into the operating room 5 years ago. Physically, mentally, emotionally, I am different. I know people change over time, but the difference I feel is not something I can necessarily explain. Rather, I can feel the difference inside me – some of it is good and some I continue to work on refining. Again, thank you, therapy.
How do you honor the anniversary of a day that was not joy-filled? For me, it varies year to year. This year, Jake and I went to lunch at a local Vietnamese restaurant. The phį» was delicious and the conversation was good for my heart. I process things by talking, and Jake is a very good listener.
This evening was filled with shuttling kids around and attending a school board meeting. (Because the world doesn’t stop for brain tumor surgery anniversaries.) I did make time earlier in the day to bake a chocolate vinegar cake (GF just for me). I know I’ve written about it before. It’s one frequently enjoyed by Jake’s extended family and one of my favorite desserts. I made it for this ANniversary back in 2019 and felt it was fitting to make it again this year. So maybe that’s the best way to remember the day – with cake.
Stay tuned…5 year post-op MRI is on Thursday. I’m praying for clear scans.
U of MN bball game
Jake and I took Shecklet #3 and Shecklet #4 to a Gopher Women’s basketball game this afternoon. The league the girls played in partnered with the Gophers to offer discounted tickets. The Gophers didn’t end up with a win, but it was still fun to be back in The Barn to watch the game. Afterwards, the girls got to go onto the court and have their picture taken with teammates who attended. We had friends capture a picture for us in our maroon and gold.
