Today is the five year ANniversary (AN=acoustic neuroma) of my craniotomy/tumor eviction. Five years and there are still times when I experience moments of “did I really go through all of that?”

Five years post-op feels different. Life has obviously gone on, I am living my “new normal,” and yet in the last few weeks I have had emotions hit me that I thought I had already processed. It’s been a bit unsettling. However, instead of burying my feelings, I’ve been peeling back layers and riding the emotional waves as best I can. Thank you, therapy.

I know this anniversary is one that my husband is experiencing as well, just from a different perspective. He waited for hours in the hospital as the surgeons worked to remove the tumor from one of my cranial nerves. One surgery, two different experiences. I spent last night re-reading the blog posts that Jake wrote on the day of my surgery and the first few weeks of my recovery. They are a reminder to me of how he will do whatever he needs to do for his family and how he can always find a positive perspective – something that was a huge encouragement to me during the first year of my recovery.

I am not the same person I was when I was wheeled into the operating room 5 years ago. Physically, mentally, emotionally, I am different. I know people change over time, but the difference I feel is not something I can necessarily explain. Rather, I can feel the difference inside me – some of it is good and some I continue to work on refining. Again, thank you, therapy.

How do you honor the anniversary of a day that was not joy-filled? For me, it varies year to year. This year, Jake and I went to lunch at a local Vietnamese restaurant. The phở was delicious and the conversation was good for my heart. I process things by talking, and Jake is a very good listener.

This evening was filled with shuttling kids around and attending a school board meeting. (Because the world doesn’t stop for brain tumor surgery anniversaries.) I did make time earlier in the day to bake a chocolate vinegar cake (GF just for me). I know I’ve written about it before. It’s one frequently enjoyed by Jake’s extended family and one of my favorite desserts. I made it for this ANniversary back in 2019 and felt it was fitting to make it again this year. So maybe that’s the best way to remember the day – with cake.

Stay tuned…5 year post-op MRI is on Thursday. I’m praying for clear scans.