I took the roses I dried from Papa Dale’s and Astrid’s funerals and put them together in a shadow box. Not only will they no longer collect dust, but I don’t have to worry about them crumbling every time they get bumped.
There is a group of three mini roses in the corner that makes me think of my three girls 🌹🌹🌹
We went to visit Great Grandma Lois and have pizza (her request.) She us had visits from family throughout the month and we were the last ones on the list.
Shecklets #1 & #3 spent the night at their aunt’s house and rung in the new year with cookies, movies, and confetti poppers!
Shecklet #4 went to Grandma and Grandpa’s for the night and sledded on New Year’s Day.
Shecklet #2 stayed with Jake and me and hung out with our friends for the evening. We had a delicious smoked chicken dinner with salad, cheesy potatoes, and dessert. So good! The adults played a game while the boys all watched a movie. We ended the festivities around 10:30, but the three of us ended up making it ‘til midnight once we got home.
We went to Jake’s parents’ house for Christmas dinner. Two of his sisters, one BIL, and our nephew were able to join us there as well. The ham dinner was delicious and afterwards we played a few games before opening presents. It was so much fun to have a toddler in the mix again – they bring such joy to the holiday and are very helpful with tearing wrapping paper.
Shecklet #4 gave out massage certificates at the end of the night. They never expire and can be used an infinite number of times!
While Shecklet #2 and Shecklet #3 went to ski/snowboard, Shecklet #1 and Shecklet #4 helped me in the kitchen. We made a batch of one of my favorite cookies from childhood – my Grandma Fran’s gumdrop cookies.
I had a request from Shecklet #2 to make applesauce. My MIL gave us a bushel of apples from the orchard she works at every fall so I could fulfill his request.
I spent the morning chopping and now I have a very happy 12 year old. (And about half a bushel left for another batch later on.)
Shecklet #1 was given some really nice photography equipment by his grandpa. The manual has already been read through once and he’s taken each accessory out and examined them. He has taken a real interest in video (thanks to helping out at our church) so this seems like a great complimentary activity for him.
As with almost everything else 2020, Halloween is a bit different this year. The Shecklets did different activities today. (We opted to skip door to door trick-or-treating this year.)
Shecklet #2 did this with his friend:
Shecklet #1 and Shecklet #3 did this with Grandma & Grandpa:
And Shecklet #4 went trunk or treating at our church. Kids typically dress up as a saint for our parish’s annual All Saints Day party. This year, all on her own, #4 said she wanted to be St. Philomena in honor of her baby sister. I may or may not have gotten a little misty-eyed when she told me her plan.
We had to postpone Shecklet #3’s birthday party a week. Thankfully, it was a beautiful day and she had a lot of fun with the family and friends who celebrated with her.
Today is another “should” day.
Today I should be celebrating that my due date has come and that Shecklet #5 can join us anytime.
Instead of that “should,” we picked up DQ (thanks to friends) and visited the cemetery where our little girl is buried – Jake’s parents joined us. (I don’t envision DQ as a treat every time we visit, but I can see it being the way we celebrate her sweet life when we visit on days like 5/16 – the day she was born.) The girls brought flowers from home to lay on her grave.
We don’t have her grave marker yet, so no one else knows where she has been laid to rest. My therapist is holding me accountable by checking in to see that I make progress on having a marker made. It is yet another task I never dreamed I would have to do for one of our kids.
The “shoulds” of her life were cut short. Too short in my opinion, but my opinion is just that, an opinion. I can’t see the big picture that God can see. I’ve had hopes of seeing something good come from her death. I know I’ve experienced one major one – loving my daughter and being loved unconditionally by others who have supported us. But the still-hurting part of me was really hoping that losing her would be the catalyst for reconciling/healing a few relationships that have been broken for almost three years. (I’ve added that to the list of things to discuss in therapy.)
I don’t imagine 8/23 as a day I will reflect on annually. I’m hoping once will be it. It’s a day that never came to be (from a pregnancy standpoint) and I don’t know if I need another reminder of that fact. Astrid’s birth date (5/16) is a different story though. That’s the day she became fully “real” in the sense that we finally got to see her, find out she was a baby girl, and say goodbye. The hardest goodbye I’ve ever experienced.
She said she was “drifting” and this happened. Good thing Grandma & Grandpa had their first aid kit with them!
