I’ve been knocked down a notch. I predicted that Shecklet #1 would pass me up on height by the end of summer. Summer ends in a few days and this happened…
I knew the time had to be close. Recently when he has given me a hug he hugs above my shoulders instead of me being able to hug above his.
With Shecklet #2’s right arm in a cast, he has needed a scribe for some of his homework. Tonight I helped him with science and geometry. I’ve enjoyed helping with both. It’s been fun to see how much I remember from taking those classes many moons ago.
We ordered Astrid’s grave marker today. My list of things I never thought I’d have to do keeps growing.
The granite we selected comes from South Dakota. I have extended family who live there and were a great support to me during my pregnancy and after Astrid’s death. Jake and I like the extra special connection that Astrid’s marker will have because of where the granite is from.
Buckle fracture in Shecklet #2’s wrist was confirmed by the orthopedic doctor this morning. It’s the first broken bone any of the kids have had. 14 years is a pretty good run, I’d say!
The doctor gave #2 the option of a removable wrist brace or a cast. #2 chose a green cast. (I think that was a smart decision being that he’s such an active kid.) The cast matches the shirt he chose to wear today 😂
We took the Shecklets mountain biking at a state park near Crosby. We met Jake’s uncle there and split into two groups. Jake and his uncle rode with the three older Shecklets and I rode with Shecklet #4. After about two hours or riding, we headed to the skills park. They had a mini course for younger or newer riders and a more advanced one with different levels of skills, similar to what you’d find when you go skiing.
A short time later, our fun came to a stop and we had to detour to the ER. Shecklet #2 attempted a drop off, and he’ll tell you he “landed wrong.” Thankfully, Jake was with him and helped him get down off the course to where Helena and I were at. It didn’t take long to realize an emergency room visit was necessary – #2 couldn’t move his wrist, it was swelling, and he had a substantial gash on his elbow.
After cleaning out his wound (the area was numbed and he was given IV pain meds) they put his arm in a splint – including his elbow. We were told to have the wound looked at on Monday (Labor Day) and re-splinted until we could see an orthopedic doctor later in the week
My aunt and uncle sent us an electronic DQ gift card while were in the ER, which was a sweet surprise and delicious treat after such an eventful day.
Due to COVID, we weren’t able to have a professional photographer come to the hospital after Astrid was born to take photos for us. We relied on my old iPhone 6S to capture the only pictures we have of our daughter. Thankfully, that worked ok. Definitely not professional quality, but I’m grateful for every one we took.
Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep (NILMDTS) is the organization we would have contacted about sending a photographer to the hospital. Instead, we were able to upload photos to them and have them retouched. What they returned to us (in an amazingly short time,) are beautiful. I cried when I saw them. They did a wonderful job softening Astrid’s skin and lightening it so we could see her delicate features. She was so beautiful.
I hope to make a photo book and not only include the retouched photos but the blog post content I wrote during my pregnancy and after. I think it would be nice to have her story in a book that we can flip through and remember her. I miss her so much!
The current pet obsession for Shecklet #4 is a hedgehog. It has been her response to every question about favorite animals or desired pet so far this school year. (She has actually liked them for longer than that.)
Tonight we were outside drawing with chalk and she found the hedgehog instructions in the animal drawing book that Nolan received back in 2011 from Great Grandma Fran, Great Uncle Steve & Great Aunt Deb. I drew the outline and we colored it in together. (I love drawing with chalk. I’m glad my kids still enjoy it so I can join them 😊)
Shecklet #2 created a little bug character (he’s in the upper left corner surrounded by black) a little year ago or so and has been drawing him ever since. He took his four page scene and expanded it over the summer. (He took this picture to show his art teacher.) He even let his siblings contribute a little bit. It’s really impressive up close!
Today is another “should” day.
Today I should be celebrating that my due date has come and that Shecklet #5 can join us anytime.
Instead of that “should,” we picked up DQ (thanks to friends) and visited the cemetery where our little girl is buried – Jake’s parents joined us. (I don’t envision DQ as a treat every time we visit, but I can see it being the way we celebrate her sweet life when we visit on days like 5/16 – the day she was born.) The girls brought flowers from home to lay on her grave.
We don’t have her grave marker yet, so no one else knows where she has been laid to rest. My therapist is holding me accountable by checking in to see that I make progress on having a marker made. It is yet another task I never dreamed I would have to do for one of our kids.
The “shoulds” of her life were cut short. Too short in my opinion, but my opinion is just that, an opinion. I can’t see the big picture that God can see. I’ve had hopes of seeing something good come from her death. I know I’ve experienced one major one – loving my daughter and being loved unconditionally by others who have supported us. But the still-hurting part of me was really hoping that losing her would be the catalyst for reconciling/healing a few relationships that have been broken for almost three years. (I’ve added that to the list of things to discuss in therapy.)
I don’t imagine 8/23 as a day I will reflect on annually. I’m hoping once will be it. It’s a day that never came to be (from a pregnancy standpoint) and I don’t know if I need another reminder of that fact. Astrid’s birth date (5/16) is a different story though. That’s the day she became fully “real” in the sense that we finally got to see her, find out she was a baby girl, and say goodbye. The hardest goodbye I’ve ever experienced.
