The current pet obsession for Shecklet #4 is a hedgehog. It has been her response to every question about favorite animals or desired pet so far this school year. (She has actually liked them for longer than that.)
Tonight we were outside drawing with chalk and she found the hedgehog instructions in the animal drawing book that Nolan received back in 2011 from Great Grandma Fran, Great Uncle Steve & Great Aunt Deb. I drew the outline and we colored it in together. (I love drawing with chalk. Iām glad my kids still enjoy it so I can join them š)
Shecklet #2 created a little bug character (heās in the upper left corner surrounded by black) a little year ago or so and has been drawing him ever since. He took his four page scene and expanded it over the summer. (He took this picture to show his art teacher.) He even let his siblings contribute a little bit. Itās really impressive up close!
Today I should be celebrating that my due date has come and that Shecklet #5 can join us anytime.
Instead of that āshould,ā we picked up DQ (thanks to friends) and visited the cemetery where our little girl is buried – Jake’s parents joined us. (I don’t envision DQ as a treat every time we visit, but I can see it being the way we celebrate her sweet life when we visit on days like 5/16 – the day she was born.) The girls brought flowers from home to lay on her grave.
We donāt have her grave marker yet, so no one else knows where she has been laid to rest. My therapist is holding me accountable by checking in to see that I make progress on having a marker made. It is yet another task I never dreamed I would have to do for one of our kids.
The āshouldsā of her life were cut short. Too short in my opinion, but my opinion is just that, an opinion. I canāt see the big picture that God can see. Iāve had hopes of seeing something good come from her death. I know I’ve experienced one major one – loving my daughter and being loved unconditionally by others who have supported us. But the still-hurting part of me was really hoping that losing her would be the catalyst for reconciling/healing a few relationships that have been broken for almost three years. (I’ve added that to the list of things to discuss in therapy.)
I donāt imagine 8/23 as a day I will reflect on annually. Iām hoping once will be it. Itās a day that never came to be (from a pregnancy standpoint) and I donāt know if I need another reminder of that fact. Astridās birth date (5/16) is a different story though. Thatās the day she became fully ārealā in the sense that we finally got to see her, find out she was a baby girl, and say goodbye. The hardest goodbye Iāve ever experienced.
We received these flowers and a DQ gift card from friends who chose to remain anonymous. (I have a hunch as to who sent this kind reminder, but will leave it at that.) We are planning to bring DQ to the cemetery on Sunday. It has become our āthingā when we go to visit Astridās grave. (I had mentioned this to one of my friends – hence my hunch.)
Three people (including my hunch) have acknowledged to me that they know this week is likely a difficult one – leading up to my due date of 8/23. Iām so grateful they have been willing to mention that reality, say Astridās name, and allow me to truly share how Iām feeling – no sugarcoating. Iām extremely thankful for the people in my life who allow me to be real and authentic.
Iām finally taking a break from cleaning. I’ve kept busy vacuuming, moving furniture, cleaning and resealing tile grout, and washing the kitchen/dining room floor. (Jake took the kids up north for another Saturday of fun at the lake.) My current Amazon Music playlist is blasting throughout the house and itās making me cry. I suppose itās my fault; I picked the songs. As I get closer to what should have been my due date, Iām finding myself feeling the big emotions again. Ugh. Grief sucks.
Jake took the three older Shecklets to meet up with his brother (who is in town visiting).) the five of them went biking and according to the kids – had a blast!
When I told a friend we were heading into the unknown today (back to school) she replied with the song from Frozen 2 āļø.
I took the Shecklets to the back to school supply pick up this afternoon. It was strange to be welcomed by teachers in masks and face shields but good to see familiar faces (at least part of their faces š·.)
This year is going to be one like no other. Weāre all going to need a lot of patience and grace. Hopefully that combination along with some determination and flexibility, (and a lot of prayer!) weāll make it through.
Our back to school pictures were very unique this year. Itās also the final year of all four Shecklets attending the same school. Itās hard to believe it is Shecklet #1ās last first day at DVA! š§Ø
We spent the third consecutive Saturday at Nissedalen. This time we had friends join us from their weekend place. They came for dinner and water play. The kids were excited to have their friends to hang out with.
Shecklet #2 was able to spend the night with these friends at their camper near the river. Among the assortment of fun things he got to do some wakeboarding.
