I stopped at Caribou after having my COVID test this morning. The person in front of my paid for my drink. I had to pull into a parking space because I was so overwhelmed by emotion and shocked that of all the days that this could happen, today is when it did. (It’s never happened to me before.) I wish I could have told the person who treated me how much their kind gesture meant to me.
The OB I saw yesterday contacted the hospital medical director and strongly suggested there be an exception for me should my COVID test result not be back by Saturday morning. He called this afternoon and assured me that I would be admitted regardless of whether the result has been returned. I’m grateful for his persistence. I now have one less thing to be anxious about.
Jake and I have received many emails and text messages offering prayers, love and support since we shared the news of our baby’s heartbeat stopping. One email I received in particular today made me stop and pause. My friend concluded her note saying, “Mary Mother of God, Our Mother, send Roni a rose from heaven to comfort her darling baby home.” Shortly after reading her email, our doorbell rang and a flower arrangement was dropped off on our porch. In the arrangement were three orange roses. The friends who sent the arrangement had no idea the other friend emailed me and said what she did.
UPDATE: 5/15/20 – my friend who sent the arrangement that included roses texted me the following: “I called the florist yesterday and told them the ‘rest of the story’ of the flowers showing up after you read a friend’s email and the rose and all that. I spoke to the delivery driver. She was in awe, because she said she sat in the parking lot for 20 minutes trying to get her GPS to work on her phone and your address wouldn’t show up… and she was running late. But she wasn’t late, it was perfect timing for you to get the email and THEN the flowers. 🌹”
I met with an OB this afternoon to discuss the next steps I will need to take following the news of our baby’s death. He was very kind. I’m scheduled to be induced on Saturday, 5/16. I’ve never been induced before…
I was told I needed to have a COVID test prior to being admitted, so I scheduled that for tomorrow morning. Even with a “rush” put on my test, it isn’t a sure thing the result will be back before I’m supposed to report to the hospital. I’m really hoping that it’s back in time. I have enough anxiety right now. I don’t need to add to it by having to wait longer than Saturday to start the induction.
Two words no expectant mom wants to hear. No heartbeat. The visual on the screen confirms it is true.
We are heartbroken.
Appointment with OB tomorrow to determine next steps. The doctor I saw at my ultrasound today wants me to deliver within this week due to the increased risk to my health if I continue to carry the baby. I’m measuring 5 weeks ahead of where I should be. There is so. much. fluid.
Telling the kids was one of the hardest (if not the hardest) thing I have had to do. This baby was so wanted, so loved.
I cannot believe this is our reality and don’t understand why.
It’s Jake’s birthday today. The second family birthday we’re celebrating in quarantine-mode. He requested take-out from Ole Piper Inn and an ice cream cake. His sister, Larissa, was also able to join us. (The cake was part of my Walmart pick-up order and was slightly less than perfect, but it couldn’t beat his “Barthday” cake from several years ago.)
For presents, he told me the best one would be getting a text from me after my weekly midwife appointment telling him I heard the baby’s heartbeat. Thankfully the baby was more than happy to give him that gift.
