Shecklet #2 created a little bug character (he’s in the upper left corner surrounded by black) a little year ago or so and has been drawing him ever since. He took his four page scene and expanded it over the summer. (He took this picture to show his art teacher.) He even let his siblings contribute a little bit. It’s really impressive up close!
Today is another “should” day.
Today I should be celebrating that my due date has come and that Shecklet #5 can join us anytime.
Instead of that “should,” we picked up DQ (thanks to friends) and visited the cemetery where our little girl is buried – Jake’s parents joined us. (I don’t envision DQ as a treat every time we visit, but I can see it being the way we celebrate her sweet life when we visit on days like 5/16 – the day she was born.) The girls brought flowers from home to lay on her grave.
We don’t have her grave marker yet, so no one else knows where she has been laid to rest. My therapist is holding me accountable by checking in to see that I make progress on having a marker made. It is yet another task I never dreamed I would have to do for one of our kids.
The “shoulds” of her life were cut short. Too short in my opinion, but my opinion is just that, an opinion. I can’t see the big picture that God can see. I’ve had hopes of seeing something good come from her death. I know I’ve experienced one major one – loving my daughter and being loved unconditionally by others who have supported us. But the still-hurting part of me was really hoping that losing her would be the catalyst for reconciling/healing a few relationships that have been broken for almost three years. (I’ve added that to the list of things to discuss in therapy.)
I don’t imagine 8/23 as a day I will reflect on annually. I’m hoping once will be it. It’s a day that never came to be (from a pregnancy standpoint) and I don’t know if I need another reminder of that fact. Astrid’s birth date (5/16) is a different story though. That’s the day she became fully “real” in the sense that we finally got to see her, find out she was a baby girl, and say goodbye. The hardest goodbye I’ve ever experienced.
She said she was “drifting” and this happened. Good thing Grandma & Grandpa had their first aid kit with them!
We received these flowers and a DQ gift card from friends who chose to remain anonymous. (I have a hunch as to who sent this kind reminder, but will leave it at that.) We are planning to bring DQ to the cemetery on Sunday. It has become our “thing” when we go to visit Astrid’s grave. (I had mentioned this to one of my friends – hence my hunch.)
Three people (including my hunch) have acknowledged to me that they know this week is likely a difficult one – leading up to my due date of 8/23. I’m so grateful they have been willing to mention that reality, say Astrid’s name, and allow me to truly share how I’m feeling – no sugarcoating. I’m extremely thankful for the people in my life who allow me to be real and authentic.
I’m finally taking a break from cleaning. I’ve kept busy vacuuming, moving furniture, cleaning and resealing tile grout, and washing the kitchen/dining room floor. (Jake took the kids up north for another Saturday of fun at the lake.) My current Amazon Music playlist is blasting throughout the house and it’s making me cry. I suppose it’s my fault; I picked the songs. As I get closer to what should have been my due date, I’m finding myself feeling the big emotions again. Ugh. Grief sucks.
Here’s what’s hitting my heart tonight:
Jake took the three older Shecklets to meet up with his brother (who is in town visiting).) the five of them went biking and according to the kids – had a blast!
When I told a friend we were heading into the unknown today (back to school) she replied with the song from Frozen 2 ❄️.
I took the Shecklets to the back to school supply pick up this afternoon. It was strange to be welcomed by teachers in masks and face shields but good to see familiar faces (at least part of their faces 😷.)
This year is going to be one like no other. We’re all going to need a lot of patience and grace. Hopefully that combination along with some determination and flexibility, (and a lot of prayer!) we’ll make it through.
Our back to school pictures were very unique this year. It’s also the final year of all four Shecklets attending the same school. It’s hard to believe it is Shecklet #1’s last first day at DVA! 🧨
We spent the third consecutive Saturday at Nissedalen. This time we had friends join us from their weekend place. They came for dinner and water play. The kids were excited to have their friends to hang out with.
Shecklet #2 was able to spend the night with these friends at their camper near the river. Among the assortment of fun things he got to do some wakeboarding.
I took the kids on a rose hunt in a local suburb. We tracked down over half of the 20 statues scattered throughout the city. It was fun to see the different ways that the artists used paint and other mediums to decorate the 3D canvases.
I don’t have many photos of just me with the Shecklets individually, so I made sure to capture them today.
We were the recipients of a homemade apple pie tonight. Our friend’s dad is a gifted pie baker and he made one with his grandsons today – for us ❤️🍎❤️. So delicious!
